Pack your bags for writing conferences!

I’m excited.

Well, it’s excited while a running to do list is scrolling through my brain. I’m thinking about luggage, flights, travel-sized shampoos, books for the plane, and potentially books to sell.

I’m heading out for another writing conference, and despite all the logistics, finagling, and long-flights where I watch two movies, I am so excited to be only a writer if only for a few days.

Writers are rarely really “only writers”. I’m sure young, singles who freelance and live on canned tuna can proudly proclaim a life of “only writing” or established authors who have paid their dues and sleep on a mountain of cash can claim to be “only writers”. But for me, an indie with a day job, two growing boys, and a husband who announces things like, “I found a deal for us to take a trip to Hawaii, it only requires three transfers and a quick float on a barge with some like-new Mercedes,” means I have many obligations that are not about writing or the book business.

Writers conferences are a good way to meet other writers, discuss certain techniques, and get tips on ways to promote your product. It’s also a chance to meet editors, designers, and if you’re at the right conference, agents and publishers.

I’ve been to some great conferences and I have been to some less than great ones. When I am trolling the internet for a conference, I have a few things that I am looking for that determines whether it is a space I want to be in.

1. Is it genre specific? I am focusing all my efforts on conferences that are specifically about mysteries, crime and noir. The interests of a commercial crime writer are different from the needs of a poet, a romance author, a historical fiction nerd, or the fancy-schmancy high literary authos whose works are solicited by Tin House.  I dropped all hopes and dreams that anything I write will ever win a national book award. I went to AWP once, and while I learned some things and meet the author Janet Finch (which was awesome), I did not feel comfortable in that crowd. But Bouchercon, which is specifically for mystery authors made me feel very comfortable despite it’s large size. If it’s about crime or mysteries, I’m interested.

2. Is it relatively small? Despite my boldness, I really do find myself overwhelmed by lights, crowds, and intensity. I spent one night in Vegas and bolted for my room after fifteen minutes on the casino floor. I cannot handle it. So, no, I‘m not going to be at the Las Vegas Book Festival. Sometimes conferences can be specific and small, only hosting 100 people or so. In a space like that, I can meet people and not be distracted by the next shiny object.

3. Is it relatively cheap? Expensive and inexpensive are subjective. I do not see any value to spend $500 on a conference. That’s my line. I know many people who attend conferences like Killer Nashville or Pitchfest where they are spending almost $1,000 (not including room reservations or food) to have an opportunity to pitch their book to an agent. It sounds like an investment, but it is a risk because you are not guaranteed to walk away with an agent or publishing contract. Also, the pressure for me to walk away with a guarantee is going to make be a less attractive client to agents. I will get nervous. I will say something stupid. I will self-sabotage myself. 

   • Keep in mind, hotel rooms are not cheap, and conference hotel rooms are also not cheap – even with the conference discount. Most writers like me have a rewards program through their credit card companies that offers free night or booking with points. Without my Hyatt points, I couldn’t travel and I bless my husband for coordinating those stays for me.

4. Is it located in a place where my husband can join me? The man I love is a traveller and this kills two birds with one stone for me. He can go do touristy things while I do conference things. He can use his magic to conjur up a coupon or gift voucher for a fancy meal that we will share later on. He’ll go to museums, take walking tours through cemeteries, and visit historic battlegrounds. I will be ensconced in a hotel conference room discussing the source material from a true crime documentary. Everyone wins.

But conferences are not for everyone, particularly the introverted and the highly-sensitive. Large conferences do have a lot of crowds and people trying to get the attention of the people they have deemed are important. If there is a well-known speaker, you might stand in line for a long time just for the opportunity to get a book signed and to ask one question. The food can be questionable, if it exists at all – same for water stations. There is always a line for the bathroom. And if you are introverted, neurodivergent, highly-sensitive, or just easily annoyed, the experience can be uncomfortable. 

Again, I am a highly-sensitive person and I’m introverted – meaning I need to be alone to refill my tank – so when I attend conferences, there are a few things I do to make sure I am not pushing myself to the point of misery.

1. I’m not going to everything. I’ve accepted that. I want to get my money’s worth, and because of that sometimes I feel pressured to attend every panel, every social event, and every on-stage interview with well-known authors, but I don’t have that level of energy. I skip the night events and usually one afternoon panel.

2. I sit alone. And while I have been told since childhood that my tendency to want to sit by myself at lunch is perceived as stand-ofish and stuck up, I need the space to think. I like people but sometimes I need to separate from the herd.

3. I’ll find a hiding spot. Empty conference rooms, alcoves, quiet corners: if I see them, I clock them and make a note to return there when I feel overwhelmed.

If I am always looking for places to avoid interaction, how do I make this conference work for me? 

Again, I have been introverted and sensitive all my life. But I have also always been interested in real stories. When I was a baby reporter so long ago, I had a hard time working up the confidence to call people and ask them questions. But I did it because it was my job. I had a reason to call, as opposed to people who call only to chat. That purpose gave me the momentum to interact with people. I call on that energy whenever I have to network or engage with others for my book business. 

Here are some of the goals or tasks I set for myself so I don’t hide in my hotel room all weekend:

1. I tuck 10 business cards or bookmarks in my conference name tag or pouch. I tell myself that I must hand out all 10 before a certain time of day. Then I refill and start again. It’s not awkward to hand out a business card in these spaces – it’s expected.

2. While I’m sitting and listening to a panel of authors, I write down a question or comment I would like to share with someone on the panel. At the end, I gently approach and ask my question and then hand them my business card or bookmark. Usually – because they are there to network as well – they’ll hand me one, too. When I get home, if the conversation went well, I will email them and remind them that we met and thank them for answering my question. Then I link my website or book sale page. Sometimes something comes out of it, sometimes it doesn’t. The point is to get my name in someone’s brain in a positive and professional way.

   • There is a moment at the end of every panel session where they ask if someone has a question and that person will wave their hand enthusiastically to be the personal called on. I’m not that person. Recently at an event, I had my hand up for the microphone only to be bulldozed by another person who didn’t have a question but wanted to make a comment and it escalated into an impromptu Ted Talk. The woman with the microphone stood next to me and apologized because she also knew this person was keeping me from being allowed to ask my question, and honestly, all I could think was how clearly this person hogging the mic clearly needed to be heard and I’m not that insecure.

   • When I am thinking about who to approach, I make sure it is someone who I feel is approachable or is just interesting to me. There is a reason why the line is so long to chat with Michael Connolly or Craig Johnson – they’re big names in the mystery community. They won’t have time for me to approach them anyway. They will be swept away to their other commitment. Also, they might not say anything interesting or relatable to what I am doing. Don’t waste your energy thinking you MUST have a conversation with a big name author. They are not going to become your new best friend and mentor after a five minute conversation. (Although, I did have a lovely chat with Megan Abbott that I am certain she doesn’t remember but it is burned on my fangirl heart.)

3. I ask to be on a panel. Another option would be to volunteer in a capacity that is comfortable for you. I am a teacher, and despite my proclivities, I have an uncanny ability to stand before crowds and spew hot nonsense without shame. It’s an hour of my life where I can be visible, make my book visible, hopefully say smart things, and lean into my teacher self a little. Do I need time to prepare myself emotionally both before and after? Absolutely. Not everyone is comfortable speaking, so you could help with the hospitality room, the free books room, or the registration desk. You can smile and help and people will remember how kind you were. 

4. I gather content for my website. Sometimes I will go back to my reporter ways and keep notes and document quotes for a future article. Sometimes I will take photos or videos of the event. Sometimes I will have a list of questions to ask people at the coffee cart, like I would when I would cover an news event – questions like, “What’s the best panel you’ve attended today?” or “What books did you pick up from the free book room?” or just a simple “Where y’all from?” You don’t need to be the one entertaining the table, just offer them a space to talk about themselves and be a good listener.

The one thing I would watch out for if you are an introvert:

1. Energy vampires will be lingering to suck your life force. Be aware. If you feel like someone is doing this, pretend to get an alert on your phone and politely say, “I’m so sorry. I was supposed to meet my friend in the lobby and they’re here. It was so nice talking to you.” And then disappear. 

2. The conference bar is like the high school cafeteria. If you want a quiet drink, see if there is a spot close to the hotel, or order a drink to be delivered to your room. 

3. Get your room at a close by hotel that’s not the conference one. These conference hotels will host more than one event a weekend. And not only are you wandering the sea of writers, but sometimes moms there for their kid’s dance team competition. Order a Lyft and request a quiet ride. Recover in your other hotel away from the madness. In New Orleans, I stayed at the Eliza Jane, walking distance to the conference. The space was incredibly peaceful. They also had a great bar and room service.

But if all of this still has you thinking attending a writing conference makes you feel like your hair is on fire, you don’t have to go to them. There are many other avenues for writers to feel like only writers. Look for writers retreats, local writer meet ups, or join a community like Sisters in Crime or your local writers guild. I’ve been a member of Georgia Writers for years now, and it’s been a space where others have found my listing and email invited me to participate in events. 

When I return from my event, I will recap the highlights!

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