The dirty work of being an indie author

Years ago, I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic. And I found it helpful because it’s about my favorite subject matter: Creativity. And now that I have books available for people to purchase, I’m living my life like a “real” writer, I always think about something from that book about the must disgusting thing I could possibly imagine.

Writers -- particularly indie authors -- sometimes have to do things they really don’t want to do. They have to be read, reviewed, ask people for blurbs, show up and beg people to buy their book, manage their own publicity, and be rejected over and over again. Gilbert refers to these tasks as having to eat the sh*t sandwich. 

And she said that she was always happy to do the things that other writers didn’t want to do. She would finish their leftover sh*t sandwich. (vomit emoji)

This phrase pops into my head often because it is so gross and because there are some things I absolutely hate to do as a writer, and I have to tell myself, “That’s showbiz, babe,” and do it anyway.

One of those things is go and meet other writers. 

I have no problem being around people. I prefer small, intimate gatherings where I feel welcomed, but it’s not being around people that’s the problem. When I am around other writers I get the worst social anxiety. 

I spend days after any interaction with writers berating myself for things like: crying, overserving myself, saying something I probably shouldn’t, asking a weird question, eating food in front of other humans, or not having read the right books beforehand. 

And these are things that others might blow off as inconsequential – except for the crying thing because from what I can tell, most writers do not cry in front of other writers. To me, it’s just so uncomfortable because I struggle so hard with why anyone would want to speak to me in a room full of other writers, because whenever another writer tells me about their successes, my default position is to tell myself that I do not belong in this room.

I’m starting to realize how many other people in that same room feel the same way, because otherwise, why did they corner me just to brag about all their publication credits? Or why did they dismiss a publication credit that would be seen an incredibly cool as not a big deal? 

Writers often play up their relevance or they tamp down their importance. That’s part of their social anxiety.

I’m in the midst of my hustle era, which means no one knows who I am but I need to make sure everyone knows my name. (It’s Brandi Bradley, by the way). Look. These books don’t sell themselves. And even this week, I’ve linked up with writers who have inflated all their successes which made me feel small, while another group have amazing successes and dismissed them as being irrelevant, which made me feel even smaller. If someone I perceive at my level is getting more exposure, then I must be “the worst writer of all time” and if big name writers feel insecure, then how can I be proud of anything I’ve accomplished?

I’ve just decided that it’s because we’re all freaking weirdos. 

Some writers love being in a room full of writers. Like they cannot wait to get with other writers and go on retreats and conferences and meet up with their squad for weekend writing sprints. And if I know the writers, if I am comfortable with them already, I’m usually okay. But it’s being at a vista of strangers who – in my mind – effortless churn out best-sellers, have legions of fans, and are begged to accept top teaching spots at the best universities. While my rational side knows this is not reality, the socially anxious part of me has a vivid imagination about everyone else’s successes.

But there are lots of other things that writers have to do that does not make me uncomfortable. I love to keep this blog. Seriously, I could literally write hot nonsense forever. I love to lecture and do public speaking gigs. This is why I’m a lecturer in my other career. I like working with teens and young aspiring writers because half the job is telling them, “You can do it!” and despite what anyone at my high school thought, I am a pretty decent cheerleader. 

This is, as Gilbert would say, the sh*t sandwich I am willing to eat. (vomit emoji)

And there are skillsets that other writers have that I do not. Some of my friends built their network of support in online groups and message boards. Some of my friends sought out additional mentors who had connections with publishers and literary journals. Some of my friends attended conferences so they could pitch their books to agents. Hell, many of my writer friends were able to find agents who are happy to represent them without attending conferences. I think my vibe of “I don’t like to be told what to do” resonated even in the most benign of query letters. Some of my writer friends can actually explain the difference between an infinitive verb and a participle verb, unlike me who is obviously faking it. 

Not every writer is good at doing everything that it takes to be a writer. 

But, damn it, we are all willing to try. 

One of the absolute coolest things about being published is I am learning more and more about what I want to do, what I’m good at, and how I can customize my experience for my vibe. 

The end game for all of us is to sell more books because when you sell more books – whether you have all the support of a major publishing house, or you’re slinging copies at your local farmer’s market – that’s how you can afford to keep writing more books, more stories, and provide more content.

So if you have not done so, please stop by the gift shop before you leave. Stop by brandibradley.com shop and get your copy of Pretty Girls Get Away With Murder or Mothers of the Missing Mermaid, both in print or digital copies. If you need a quick fix, download “Local Monsters” or “In the Company of Liars”

Click here, for more details.

XOXO,

B.

Pretty Girls Get Away With Murder

Buy Now