My new novel manuscript is my new boyfriend

I snuck out of a Super Bowl party with my family to meet up with my new boyfriend.

This is not a Reddit confessional. It’s way more nerdy than that.

I was sitting on my couch eating hot wings and watching the millionth commercial for a product that I have no intention of using. And while everyone chatted around me, I thought about my detective in my new novel.

She’s cold. And that’s a challenge because most readers don’t connect to characters who are cold, detached, and unbothered. On my couch while I sipped on a lovely pinot noir, I thought about a young woman with whom I have known practically her birth. She always had a scowl on her face. If adults tried to engage with her in that way adults do where they crouch and demand her engagement, “Come talk to me. Come sit with me.” she would give them this expression which let them know immediately that they were trifling.

I adore this girl. She is not here for your entertainment. Now, she has grown up to be an awesome young woman who does not need or desire the attention of others to feel validated. Everyone get out of the way, and let her do her thing.

I think the only way to understand why she is cold is to:

1. Write from her point of view.

2. Show her as she was when she was a kid.

That was going to be my way in.

Once I pieced together this potential solution to my writing problem, I started to feel enthusiastic about the project. I couldn’t wait to write down what I thought would work. So I slipped away to my writing space and opened a fresh document and typed 1,000 words over the next hour.

It felt amazing.

When I’m working on a new novel, writing it is the only experience I want to have. I think about it all the time. I try to be with it all the time. I will make space for it everywhere: in the car, in my office, in my house, even on a bench at the park. I am shameless.

If this sounds dirty – good. It means we’re on the same level.

In Heather Seller’s Page by Page, she said for anyone who fusses over making time to write needs to think about it as falling in love with someone.

“People who are madly in love are not busy. They spend inordinate amounts of time in hotel rooms, lolling around naked, happy, content to look at the mole in their lover’s neck and think about nothing at all.”

My new novel manuscript is my new boyfriend and we’re super into each other.

And what a perfect time to be super into someone. It’s February! This is perfectly aligned with my seasonal patterns. When it starts to inch closer to Spring, I get the pink fizzies. I want color. I want romance. I want gossip. I want to walk in the sunshine. I also just have more time. I have one less class to teach which means I have 25 fewer student emails to respond to.

And while I’m always making a point to work writing into my schedule to feel more like myself, I get excited that I don’t have to put it on pause because my day job demands it.

Here are some of the ways that I keep the romance alive with my new novel manuascript boyfriend:

• We have rendezvouses. Sometimes a scheduled writing session feels too formal and business-like. My manuscript and I will sneak off to the coffee shop, to the bar, or to the bookstore.

• I am already ready for when they call. I keep my tablet in my bag with me for impromptu writing sessions. Also, my writing journal and a sack of pens.

• I set the mood. I love to light incense matches before a writing session so my space can smell like jasmine. I remove my watch and jewelry so I can be unencumbered. I put on music that will not distract me from my tasks, or a soundscape like a babbling river or ocean waves.

• Wear the right outfit. I try to live my life in clothes that work wherever I go. But when I want to be most comfortable, most connected with my novel boyfriend, I wear a hoodie. I have referred to it as my “thinking hoodie” in the past. I’ve had many and in many different colors. My current one is a black Lululemon with a kangaroo pouch.

• Reassure your love interest. If you are out on a date or meeting that sexy neighbor for coffee, at some point it’s a good idea to say, “This is fun.” and, like, really mean it. If writing is not fun, you could be doing so many other things, like cooking, painting, playing an instrument, organizing your junk drawer for that potentially viral TikTok video. Remind yourself that you are having a good time. I will often say, “Oh my God, I love this.” when I am writing because it’s true. I do love it.

Often when I meet writers wanting to start a new novel, short story collection, memoir, or other long-term writing project, they come at it like Charlotte on Sex and the City when she was focused on landing a husband. They are all rules and structure, but not as much fun. You can just as quickly kill the romance as you can develop it.

How to ruin the romance of a new project:

• Trying to set aside an entire day or weekend for writing. A romantic getaway too early in a relationship places way too much pressure on the outcome. You won’t write near as much as you think you will and then you’ll feel guilty about all the time you squandered.

• Over estimating what you can accomplish in a writing session. It’s like the creative version of asking someone to go to your sister’s wedding on the first date. Take one writing session to comfortably write one of your scenes and then stop after a certain amount of time (20 minutes or an hour). Then check your word count. That’s your pace. I can write 1,000 words in an hour, so it would be foolish for me to try to steal away to write 3,000 words. Your pace is your pace, and that’s okay.

• Looking at it as work instead of fun. Avoid looking at it as something you have to do instead of something you want to do. Sometimes baby writers will treat working on their novel like it’s homework. It’s not homework. No one is forcing you to write a book. I see this mostly happen with people who are telling their life story or trying to document their family history because everyone has told them they should. That’s like being given an assignment you never asked for and that kills all the magic.

• Asking for feedback before you are ready to hear it. It’s like asking your friend group what they think of your new relationship and discovering they all disapprove. It’s disheartening. Either the writers’ group critique will feel like an attack, or you’ll have that well-meaning relative who will ask, “Okay. But who wants to read that?” More than one project of mine was ruined because I told someone I loved, “Guess what I was writing today?” The only answer you want from them after you share is, “I love it! Tell me more!” and often that is not what you get.

• Calling it garbage. Many baby writers will tell me they have so many great ideas and when they start writing them, they’re always disappointed because it’s never as good as it was in your head. Romanticized ideas of the perfect will always be the enemy of the good. Stop telling your new romantic partner that they’re garbage and expect them to stick around.

Right now, I just plan to bask in the newness, the fun discovery part, and longing to be together when we can. Because as long as I am having fun, I will keep coming back to the project.

I am planning several new and exciting things for this Spring and Summer, so be sure to stay in the know by subscribing to my monthly newsletter! Newsletter subscribers get one update email a month of any new announcements, new exclusive content, the events schedule, and my Currently Loving list, full of everything I am adoring that month.

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And if you haven’t grabbed a copy yet, be sure to check out Pretty Girls Get Away With Murder, a murder mystery about going for what you want and losing what’s most important.